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Condom Jokes

Sex should be fun but sex should be safe... Here are some funny condom jokes...

The One About the Good Ol' Boys!
Three rednecks were sitting around comparing their wives one day to see who had the dumbest. The first guy said, 'My wife's so dumb, she bought a toilet, and we don't even have running water.'

The second said, 'That's nothing! Mine bought a ceiling fan, and we don't even have electricity.'

The third said, 'Aw, that's nothing! I was goin' through my wife's purse for some whisky money t'other night and found a box of condoms. And you know what? She ain't even got a penis!'

The One About the Condom Fitter!
One day an engineer is going into a new grocery shop on the outskirts of town. When just inside, he sees a sign which says: 'CONDOMS: SOLD & FITTED.'

He looks around and calls for service. Then, an exceptionally attractive young lady emerges.

'Do you work here?' he asks.

'Yes,' she replied.

'And is the statement on the sign over there true?' The lady leans over the counter and says seductively, 'Yes.'

'Tell me,' he asks, 'who fits them?'

'I do,' said the lady.

'Well,' said the engineer, 'would you please wash your hands and give me a pound of tomatoes?'

The One About the Big Girl!
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

One Liners!
Do you know how to reuse a condom?
   Turn it inside out and wash the fu#k out of it.

Why did the condom cross the road?
   Because it was pissed off.

A woman was asked how she felt about condoms.
   She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."

What do a gay and a bungee jumper have in common?
   If the rubber breaks they're both in the shit.

What do you call grit in a condom?
   An organ grinder.

Why did the condom fly across the room?
   Because it got pissed off.

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
   They're both filled with stiffs - except one's coming and one's going.

Why are condoms like cameras?
   They both capture the moment.

How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
   Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
   You can unscrew a light bulb

Why is a diploma like a condom?
   It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, it's worthless the next day.

When is the best time to wear a condom?
   On every conceivable occasion!

What do condoms and coffins have in common?
   They both have stiffs in them, but one's coming and one's going.

What's the difference between 365 condoms and a tire...
   A tire might be a goodyear, but 365 condoms is a GREAT year!

Did you hear about the idiot that put the ice cubes in his condom?
   He wanted to keep the swelling down.

Why do cowboys use denim condoms?
   Because they shrink to fit.

Read more condoms jokes from Condoms Review...

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